I
was in the 6th standard of a Govt. school and in the middle of
teaching the students, self-defence in times of unpleasant situations in and
around home, especially as most of them had parents who worked as garment factory workers, housemaids and autorickshaw drivers, and therefore would be absent
from home most of the time leaving the children alone. I took in some students to
act as perpetrators to make it easy for me to demonstrate and for them to
remember.
We
were enacting a situation where a stranger had to touch me on my body and I had
to quickly grab him by his arm and topple him to the ground. The boy did his
act very well but before going back to his seat, came to me and said sorry. I
asked for what and he said for touching me the way he did, although it was as
per my instructions. That stands out in my memory, for the simple reason that
the boy, all of 11 years of age, remembered his manners even though he didn’t
have his parents around him all the time to remind him of them.
The
behavior of the boy in the above incident seems obvious, but sadly it is not
these days. The incident below illustrates what I am saying.
On
a Monday morning, I sent a common message, over the messenger, to six of my
colleagues – May the day go well with you, may something good come your way,
have a good day. In response, two reverted as to why I had sent that. One enquired
whether I was hinting at something pleasant that was going to happen in the
latter part of the day. Another came to my seat and asked what the occasion
was, whether I had mistaken it for his birthday and I leisurely clarified that
I just did something beyond the usual – greeting and wishing another human
being well. The rest two didn’t respond at all - not to this day. None of the
six thanked me. Last Christmas, a group of us played the Secret Santa game where
we needed to gift each other anonymously. Sensing that people did not take time
to trace their giver, I disclosed the names a week later. To this day, not more
than a handful from two dozen participants, thanked their giver for the gifts.
All
of a sudden, it seems like insensitivity, indifference and self-centeredness have
become the new normal. Not only do people put up with them, they are even justified
as off-shoots of modern life.
Take
the instance of this new recruit in the workplace. She was struggling to enter
the corridor where her workstation is located but could not. She looked around
and found me with the swiping card hanging by my neck. She asked me, ‘can you
open the door with the card’ and I did as if in a stance, because I realized
she, although from an elite management institute, didn’t even bother to say
please – nor thanks after the door was swiped open. Wasn’t that impolite?
Someone said, ‘she must have been in a hurry to complete some work.’
Many
times, young executives get on to the city bus with a laptop hanging from the
shoulder and a mobile phone in hand. They are so engrossed in talking on the
phone that they are oblivious to those nearby - so much so that they stamp one person
with their high heels and hit another with the huge and heavy laptop bag and
don’t even turn around to say sorry. Again, we brush aside such incidents
saying, ‘their high-tech jobs must be very stressful.’
It’s
not that we take lightly our manners with outsiders or strangers or in
unfamiliar surroundings thinking it won’t benefit us in any way. Many do this
even within their own family and neighbourhood.
My
neighbour visited her friend and the son opened the door. Without even inviting
her in, the boy walked away to his room to catch up with some pending chores.
My neighbour, who shared a good rapport with her friend, pointed it out to her
but the mother remarked ‘teenagers are teenagers’ rather than acknowledge that
the youngster needed to be corrected, leave alone call him and correct him
right then.
People
pursued success even in olden days but alongside believed in living responsibly.
Now though, with our false perception of success, certain qualities like courtesy,
humility, understanding and compassion have almost vanished like the proverbial
horns from the head of an ass. And, that is very disturbing for a society that
needs manners, to live amicably.
Being
a person with a positive outlook, I am always on the lookout for the silver
lining on the cloud and I do find it. I have found people mindful of manners,
in unexpected circumstances like the boy who apologized to me in the school. I
will always remember the BMTC conductor who thanked a passenger for the change
which the latter gave him. And the regular customer who told the sweet vendor
that the sweets were tasting really good and fresh on this particular day,
accompanying it with a broad grin that said it all. Not to miss the guest at a
wedding that I attended, who aimed the paper cup at the waste bin and then when
it missed the bin, picked it up himself and threw it in the bin not waiting for
the maid to do it.
I
wish I could witness more incidents like the ones mentioned immediately above.
All I can say is, thanks for people like them and let their tribe increase.
- Published in Daijiworld Online on 2nd June 2017
