It's Women's Day - Every Day !!!

Everyone got talking about it
Once into the third month of the year
Every ad said it is March Eight and
Women’s Day is here

I was forced to ponder -

What’s so special about the day?
Is something unique and if so what?
I am simply not clear, no way

If we wish to honour the woman

If her wonderful being celebrate
Why not do it always?
Why only on this date?

She cares for you as a sister

As a mother wipes away your tears
Alongside she walks with her partner
As she helps him brave all the fears

She never fails to touch our life

Only with her, life makes sense
Whether she is with us or around
Magical is her very presence

So let’s appreciate women heartily

More often, every now and then
For they are angels in disguise
Even as all call them WOMEN !!!

Here’s wishing all women

A Happy Women’s Day – Every Day !!!

(Published in Facebook in March 2014)

A New Dawn

I set about clearing my cupboard
To arrange things which matter to me
And do away with those
That do nothing but lie there simply


There were some parcels and packets
of seeds and dried flowers
I will start my dream garden some day
Oh, I do believe in nature’s healing powers


A handful of papers big and small
With numbers and facts scribbled in pen
Can’t figure out what they are now
Though they meant a lot then


I saw some interesting trinkets 
A color clip and a magic plastic spring
Oh, how would I throw any of them away?
Cannot forget the joys they bring


And then, I found her tucked inside
My cute childhood playmate
With chubby cheeks, little arms and stout legs
And her big black eyes looking at me straight
             
She took me to my childhood days
When life seemed liked a dance
Games, friends and laughter all the way
Remembered all, as I stood in a trance

As I kept ruing the time gone by

Suddenly her eyes had me glued
She seemed to say past is past
Live in the NOW and don’t you brood

Your earlier days were new then

They are mere memory now
Today will soon be gone too
Make this memorable, let me tell you how

Live with joy, feel calm and free

Be at peace, and of good cheer
Wherever you are, keep spreading
The message of love, loud and clear

That had me sitting down to think

Life is not in the bygone
Every day ends for sure some time
For every dusk there is a new dawn

Life is not in the bygone

For every  dusk there is a new dawn

- Published in Mangalorean in January 2014

Then and Now

I greeted my friends
Said ‘Hi, Good morning’ to two
One said GM, another Gd Mng
Good wishes in words very few

Less visits, almost no letters

We are in jet age, short of time
Now we say things in brief
Lengthy chats seem like crime

There were teachers then

Who guided as they taught
Parents were our Gods
We loved and adored them a lot

What’s age now? Who are elders?

They were just born much before
Why listen to them anyway?
Any advice from them is just another bore

Earlier they said toil hard

For that is the way to success
The more you strive, the better
And there is simply no excess

Now we can buy marks or a degree

Nothing of late seems bad
As long as I play with money
All around me are so glad

What’s with the haste, I wonder 

Let’s be calm and once look around
It is time to hold the reins
Let’s not be time-bound

The flower blooms, the butterfly grows

All things have their own pace
Life is beautiful when lived in peace
Let’s live really, not run a sad race.

(Published in Daijiworld online in Jan 2014)

It is Upto Us

A colleague of mine returned to work from an unduly long sick leave. She had been laid up for days together with severe backache and was still under treatment. Having known her as a workaholic, I advised her to take it easy atleast for sometime. Even as I was checking on the details of the treatment, I expected her to repeat her earlier plea to a few of us – Pray for me. What she said instead surprised me – “Please pray for my boss, for it is because of him that I have this backache.”

I had no words to say to her, for, it was clear that she had given over the responsibility of her well-being to her boss.

My favourite writer, the late Stephen Covey in his book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ said Responsibility can be split into Response-ability – the ability to choose our response, meaning a proactive person chooses not to be controlled by outside situations and other people; rather he takes charge of his response to outside stimulus

A famous saying endorses this – If it is to be, it is up to me. I simply love this statement for its profound message, for it gives me a feeling of being in control over any situation through my response, irrespective of who or what else is involved, as against one of being a victim of circumstances.

If only my colleague accepted the eccentric behaviour of her boss (instead of expecting him to change) and worked on herself, she would not be so stressed as to end up with the notorious backache. In short, she would definitely need God or prayers (read counseling or professional help) to strengthen her inside out to be able to cope with seemingly inhuman behaviour of anyone around her, for the backache was a manifestation of her unbridled stress. Yet, external help cannot help those who are not willing to change themselves but choose to wait for others or other things to change.

Lesson - A famous quote sums this up - Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to MOVE your feet.

A frequently circulated story doing the rounds on emails is about a carrot, an egg and a coffee bean. When put in hot water, the carrot hard that it is, turns soft. Reminds me of people who are generally quite courageous but a single crisis crumbles them. The egg whose insides are soft ends up with a hard inside. Just like soft loving folks who turn bitter and resentful for life in response to an unexpected tragic event in their life. But the coffee bean goes into the hot water and gets transformed at the same time turning the very hot water into an aromatic coffee. Very few people lead a life both meaningful to themselves and fruitful to others, despite being in difficult circumstances and they do it because they choose to do so.

Lesson - Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it, a line by Dennis P. Kimbro, emphasizes it some more.

In the following photo that I clicked on one of my birdwatching treks, I was amazed at the resilience of this branch of a nearby banyan tree; it seemed determined to grow even if it meant making its way through the rock. Needless to say, I derive a lot of strength each time I see it, especially when I feel overwhelmed by challenges.

Lesson - The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

 

‘Bloom wherever you are planted’ is the key to true joy in life. We all can do it. If only we choose to.

(Published in Mangalorean in December 2012)

Let's Connect

A few weeks back, I sat through the inauguration of a club which claims to hone the communication skills of its members through structured practical speaking exercises - “………….to speak effectively……………” as the president said.
 

Most of the participants seemed to know each other and I felt like a fish out of water, not knowing what I was in for. Even as I was looking around for a familiar face to connect with, a young guy in his early 20’s sat himself in the chair next to me.

He seemed very nervous, his mind pre-occupied with something. He looked up the papers in his folder and took out a form. Suddenly, he turned towards me and seeing a pen in my hand, without even a formal greeting, asked me, “pen?” I gave him the pen and he used it to fill up his form, after which he turned towards me and returned it to me without a customary thanks or even a smile.

For a moment, I tried to analyse the situation – here was a youngster keen to acquire good communication skills by giving speeches on different matters to an audience, but who lacked the basic skills to connect with a person right next to him.

As soon as a child starts speaking, he is taught to wave goodbye, say thank you to the “uncle who gives sweets” or request with a ‘please’ while asking for an ice cream at the roadside ice cream parlour. Most people, however, leave these essential manners behind as silently and normally as the tadpole its tail while growing into a frog.

I am often amused when people refer to someone as having good communication skills only because he or she can speak in public without any fear or inhibitions, even if the same person is not a good communicator in the real sense.

Theoretically, communication is merely the transfer of opinions, ideas, suggestions, feelings, information of any sort, but its success has to be gauged on the impact made. A warm smile can build an instant rapport whereas even an impeccable delivery of carefully assembled jargons and concepts can fail miserably, if the speaker fails to connect with the listeners.

For all the variety of communication equipment and modes available these days, the art of communication itself seems to have deteriorated. Heartfelt  communication can bond even strangers but on the other extreme, uncouth communication can create rifts in relationships of any kind.

I believe effective communication progresses from will to communicate, to the thrill to communicate, till it matures to good communication skills.

o   Will to communicate –

Quite a lot of people are not keen to communicate any more, the most obvious reason cited being lack of time. I would suppose they are not willing to make time because they lack the interest, rather the inclination to connect.

The point to remember here is what goes around comes around. One who does not connect with others, is likely to be kept away by others in the long run. It would not be wrong say that such people are silently building their own cocoons of loneliness.

o   Thrill to communicate –

Only when we are thrilled to communicate, can we progress to building  meaningful relationships. Mere will to communicate seems very formal if not selfish and need-based, while the thrill to communicate infuses enthusiasm into whatever we say. Which is why they say a smile can be heard over the phone.

An acquaintance of mine subscribed to a new scheme which sends encouraging thoughts by SMS daily to all her contacts. Once, when the messages stopped for some reason, I got worried for her and sent an urgent message enquiring whether she was fine, whether everything was alright with her, for which there was no response at all. Later, when we met each other, I asked her whether she got my message, to which, she said dryly that her messages would go automatically to all her contacts, but she would not read any incoming messages and couldn’t care less. I was appalled by her response, for she lacked the zeal to remain connected.

 o   Skill to communicate –

Once we have the urge and the excitement to connect with someone, it is worth acquiring skills to do so effectively, though they come easily to the passionate. Fluency in language with a strong vocabulary and good accent, comfortable tone and modulation are some aids to excellent communication skills.

Considering how important socialisiing is to building connections and living joyfully rather than mere existing, investing in good communication skills becomes essential.

Man is a social animal, meaning man (or woman) by nature thrives on communication. Yet, from merely conveying something to connecting with someone, if all it takes is our wholehearted sincere effort, we should go all out and connect.

(Published in Mangalorean in September 2011)

One For The Road

He is always there to greet me on my way to office longing for a biscuit from me or just a friendly pat on his head. When I walk home in the dark, his presence reassures me that I am guarded well. With a well-proportioned body, black-lined eyes, blackish snout and rounded off tail behind him, he is so irresistible. Yet, he does not wait for me to go to him; no such ego with him. Rather he comes running, nay galloping, to me even if he sees me passing by. The scratches near my car windows are a witness for how he reaches out to me and my family with his paws on the windows, demanding to be caressed.

My recently acquired friend is just one of a pack of Indian dogs, all idling away their time in the vacant sites around my house. They run up to anyone who seems to be a dog-lover vying for their attention, totally ignoring others who are averse to them. I love their sense of dignity. They love me simply.

It is so challenging for me to convince others why I love these innocent creatures – especially when the media keeps reporting story after horrifying story of stray dog attacks on human beings. Not that I seek to convince everyone to love dogs, as much as I would like man to give equal consideration to the right of dogs to peaceful survival. For the simple reason that God created both human beings and dogs for them to live together. In fact, as per the Bible, God created animals before he made man !!

Reading up on the comments to a news item on dog attacks sometime back, I was horrified to read someone’s suggestion that all stray dogs be killed to put an end to the menace. I wonder whether we would apply the same rule to human race, just because one angry, hopelessly frustrated, mislead man or woman (read terrorist) abruptly puts an end to several innocent lives without any direct provocation.

The role of dogs in a happy societal life in Indian context cannot be ignored. Almost all of us remember growing up with atleast one ‘Moti’ or ‘Tommy’ or ‘Hero’ near home. The neighbourhood security guard would invariably have an army of mongrels guarding the premises – and a stretch of road – along with him.

Dogs have always been a faithful genre of animals – they are man’s best friend. They take the least and give the most – loyalty, love, affection et all.  They are guide to the blind, therapy to the disturbed, companion to the lonely. I quote – and believe – what some wise person said – The more people I meet the more I like my dog.

Yet while we find it relatively easier to digest the fact of a security guard turning burglar or a killer of his own master / mistress, so much so that it would not make exciting news anymore, one dog attack makes headlines.

My due respects to parents who have lost their children to ‘killer’ dogs. The innocent children have been hapless victims of ‘stray’ incidents – pun not intended - of needless animal rage. At the same time, one wrong does not set right another which means no amount of mass killing of stray dogs will bring back the children to life. We can only act to avoid such horrific incidents in future.

A recent incident gave me hope that all is not lost for these friends on road. I was at the local goldsmith, when a woman came along to purchase a medal for her child. The goldsmith gave her two medals each with a different design – one of a deity and another of, guess what, a dog. I asked what for she wanted those medals and she explained that her son was getting fear spells in the evenings, and wearing the medal would dispel them. I waited to see which one she would picked up, and was pleasantly amazed when she took the medal with the dog image. See? We all need our dog friends!!

(Published in Daijiworld in Aug 2011)

BUS City Bangalore

Not many outside Bangalore would be familiar with the variety of buses plying in and around the city. The traffic authorities have been consistent in their efforts to woo people away from their private vehicles, in a bid to ease the traffic congestion in the ever-growing city. Daily and monthly passes available for frequent travelers, students and senior citizens,  avoid the strain of purchasing ticket every time and save quite a bit of money for the commuters. Buses devoted to women only and for pass-passengers only, must be first of their kind across states, not to forget seats reserved for women, physically challenged and senior citizens too.

Most of those who have traveled vide the state owned BMTC buses will vouch for the fact that the travel is quite comfortable if not sheer bliss, with buses available to suit all tastes and wallets, beginning with those coloured soothing-to-the-eye blue going on to the premium fare red-hued Volvo comfort coaches. Even the not-so-premium buses have had wonderful makeovers to provide comfort – fans, melodious music from popular radio channels, public address system to announce destinations to mention a few - and speed at nominal rates. Recently, I saw a bus with ‘business class’ plush seats in the front half and regular good ones in the latter half for those using passes. Reminded me of a single train with multiple compartments.

Many write travelogues after they return from exotic places, describing their experiences for others to ‘feel’ the pleasure they had. Commuting in these buses has provided me with a lot of insights into human behaviour, all of which I consider precious and worth sharing with my brethren – those who have not been able to experience this first hand. This is my travelogue, based on what I have observed, liked ……. or disliked.

To start with, commuting by bus offers a lot of privileges which are indeed blessings in disguise. For one, the commute time is a totally private time (read leisure time) which lends itself to several creative uses. While the majority of ladies listen to music on their mobile phones or ipods, a few eat breakfast, or make pending calls or take a power nap. A handful of tech-savvy executives work on their laptop even as the bus is meandering through traffic jams, while some are engrossed in reading a gripping novel or the latest bestseller. During a trip to Mumbai in my school days, I had watched women in local trains, busy knitting, oblivious to the chaos around them. These days, I see women in the long distance buses, especially those originating from the market, stringing the flowers they bought there. They would rather use the time on hand instead of ruing lack of free time.

The buses offer a lot even for those who wish to just ‘take in’ this free time. A new bus I took sometime back had graffiti all over the front panel around the driver. They preached - Be Positive, Friendship – and advocated action against noise pollution depicting animal pictures with a message Be Silent. As I looked around, I was amused to see a bird cage hanging from the roof of the bus – it had four lovely birds including two blue-shaded love birds. For once, I did not feel like alighting at my stop.

Another bus had money plant growing out of water in a bottle fixed to the corner besides the driver; yet another had a dove near the steering wheel. I silently admired the nature lovers, though I wish they did not subject the hapless creatures to the stress of moving amidst of traffic congestions and crowds.

Travelling in buses continues to intrigue me. Even on days when getting a seat is impossible, just being there refreshes me a lot. Makes me feel I belong to an entirely new family each time. During Sankranti festival, I partook of the ‘yellu’ that was distributed to all the commuters and the bus crew by an enthusiastic lady. I have had co-passengers fussing over me and offering their seat, when I boarded a bus with bruises soon after a small accident near the bus stop.

Like all experiences, these also can be quite hilarious. I remember reading a board near the driver saying ‘karnatakadalli aadalitha bhashe kannada’ and another one near to it saying ‘vaahana nintha mele door thegeyiri’. Jai Karnataka!

The choice of buses in ‘Namma Bengalooru’ would be the envy of even bigger cities of our country. Those who have not taken the common man’s (and woman’s) mode of transport in Bangalore, I would urge you please do. I bet, you will emerge an admirer of Bangalore’s public transport and soon become a frequent traveler with rich experiences to speak about.

Bangalore has been named Garden City, then Silicon City of India, even Air-conditioned City on a smaller scale for the wonderful cool weather we enjoyed till recently. Seems like it is all set for a brand new title - that of a Bus City.

(Published in Daijiworld online in Mar 2010)

Taking It Too Easy

Quite so often, we hear people saying ‘Take it easy’, ‘it’s okay’ and things like that, when someone is hurting or struggling through a difficult situation. It’s worse when they say that, when they themselves are the cause for it. For, taking it easy is easier said than done and takes a lot of effort on the aggrieved party to really make amends with the situation and move on, if at all.

Years back, on her return from travel to a distant place, my friend had a lot of photos in her camera which she longed to see, but the camera was not a digital one, so the photos needed to be developed. However, the roll was not completely utilized, so she had to wait. Soon after she returned, she left for an urgent errand leaving the camera on the table asking her sister to keep the camera inside. Later, when she took the camera to the studio, she was shocked to learn that all but three photos were exposed. She later came to know that her sister had forgotten to take care of the camera and a young child had played with the camera doing the unintended. When confronted, the lady casually said, “Now that the photos are gone, no point in fretting over them. Take it easy, these things happen once in a while.” My friend reluctantly swallowed her resentment but to date, does not trust anyone easily. Once bitten twice shy, she says.

Many a time, not just actions but also wrongly said words can create havoc in another person’s life. Which is why it is said: Words & hearts should be handled with care, for words when spoken & hearts when broken are the hardest ones to repair.

My friend Reema had adopted Naina while she was an infant and she had shared this with her daughter over the years. Naina was as comfortable as she could be, with the fact. For some reason, Naina had fared badly in some subjects in school and so the teacher spoke to Reema in detail. All went well, until the teacher remarked, well in the presence of Naina, “You know madam, Naina is an adopted child, so she craves for a lot of love and attention, and that tells on her performance in tests”. That remark coming from an outsider, devastated Naina and she wept inconsolably well into the night till she caught fever. No doubt she had accepted the fact that she had been adopted, but she detested hearing it from outsiders and that too so insensitively. It was her private matter and the teacher did not need to refer to it so casually.

I empathized with Naina, for that was the best thing I could do then, and very soon took up the matter with the teacher. All the teacher had to say was, “It’s okay madam, I only said what is fact. What is the big fuss about?” I thanked God that Naina was not in our midst then.

I recall a recent incident that happened when I took my daughter to office on a rather free day. The little one was busy drawing something when a housekeeping lady walked in to clean the table. The moment she saw my daughter, she remarked, “Madam, your daughter is a little coloured, as compared to you. I suppose she got it from her father?” I tried to soften the effect of it saying, “No, no, I don’t think I am all that fair”, even as I cringed at the statement and its unavoidable implications. Needless to say, it took a lot for me to convince my daughter that I loved her all the same, whatever her ‘colour’.

All said and done, human behaviour being so unpredictable, expecting perfect interactions would be impractical. The least we can do when someone is feeling miserable, is offer our total acceptance of their injured feelings and help them cope with them.

 

Like in the case of Naina, when she was through with weeping her heart out, I told her, “You know what? I too was adopted, but at such an age that the whole world knows about it. My hubby adopted me as his wife.” Her giggles confirmed to me and Reema that very few are indeed blessed with the gift of ‘taking it easy’.

(Published in Daijiworld online in February 2010)

Sssssshhhhhhh....Just light a candle

Published in Mid-Day in August 2009 

Letting go

I love the saying ‘Love makes the world go around’ and I am compelled to believe that, for hate would bring everything to a standstill. In fact, we still have courtesy, respect, patience, tolerance in good measure all around us. Why else would we put up with an annoying neighbour or an irritating co-passenger in the bus? They are simple acts of love, though not regarded as such.

Still, it is not easy to not hate or detest someone who brushes us on the wrong side, leave alone those who intentionally inflict harm on us. But time and again, I have realized that it is for our own good that we should let go of our grouses and get going, for life is too short to be lived in memory of wrongs done to us. Resentments fester with time and harm us in the long run.

Letting go is perhaps difficult but not impossible. Willingness to let go is the first and the most important step; once we decide to let go, the rest becomes quite easy.

Those of us who are still unwilling to ‘let bygones be bygones’ might consider the following.

 Giving benefit of doubt, which simply means not presuming that someone is deliberately bad. Putting it differently, it means assuming that the person by default, had good intentions and did not harm or plan to harm us knowingly.

For instance, before lashing out at the maid for turning up late to work, we may have to consider if she is unwell after receiving her drunkard husband’s blows previous night, in which case she would not even be able to keep us informed

For those times when someone actually hurts us, let’s remember a very powerful dictum for happy living which is ‘When someone wrongs you, live in such a way as to contradict that’ and we will definitely end up far happier than if we had tried to get even. The former strengthens us immensely while the latter only saps our energy.

Sometime back, when I was driving on a new road, I encountered a hump unexpectedly. As a result of sudden braking, we experienced a rude thud which shook all of us sitting inside the car. I began fuming and fretting about everything and everyone – the hump, the police, the civic authorities, the public and so on.

Very soon, unawares to me, I hit a huge pothole which caused more discomfort to us, only because, I realized, I had chosen to harp on the hump rather than sit   up and drive more carefully. Isn’t that what happens to us in life? We give too much attention to past failures or blunders, which takes away our concentration from the tasks ahead causing repeat failures and at times, untold misery.

Most importantly, we always get something better in place of something painful or unpleasant. Spooky though it may sound, Destiny or God – call what you may – ensures that we are compensated for the bad time we went through or wrong done to us for no fault of ours. Provided we are determined to start afresh with a clean slate.

When an elderly friend of mine who used to help me with essays and compositions in school, suddenly refused to help me for no obvious reason, I was distraught with worry, as I had committed to deliver a speech on the school annual day. It seemed hard collecting all the facts and thoughts to make the speech, yet I did it. Then there was no stopping me, and today, I thank my friend for getting me initiated into writing albeit not very nicely.

In a nutshell, an eye for an eye is bound to make everyone blind. True happiness is in giving up our claim to getting even with someone, and moving on. The best is - as I read somewhere - trying to get even with those who were good to us. Needless to say, the world will be a much brighter and happier place then.

(Published in Daijiworld online in August 2009)

Why Shy?

A group of friends, we often go for a small walk post lunch, upto the office nursery or the main gate, during which we exchange news, recipes, household tips, all of which provides a pleasant  break from work. On a hot summer afternoon, as we walked, we saw the garden hose drawn across the driveway from one part of the garden to another. While the others continued walking, I noticed a small spring or jet of water from a miniscule hole in the hose. The weather being hot, I immediately placed my face on the jet and started enjoying the water on my face.

When my friends looked back, they were amused at my behaviour. One commented I was acting childish, another a little senior admonished that I behave my age. A couple of them just looked on longingly at the water, very conscious of the surroundings though. We then spoke of how we played in water when we were younger, got drenched in rains even as our parents called us in fearing we would catch a cold or fever. One thing was very obvious – all of them still liked to play in water but were terribly shy. The foremost thought was – what would the colleagues say? What would the Security staff think? Playing with water, but isn’t that childishness and are we not adults?

We often speak of how excessive fear keeps a person from doing even normal things. Like my mother who read about an accident in a hotel escalator a few months back and now just refuses to step onto one any more. An accident with her moped affected my colleague so much that a lot of counseling was necessary to make her even step onto the road. Seems akin to someone not breathing anymore for fear of inhaling polluted air.

Yet, I believe, undue shyness is as harmful as excessive fear, because it does not let us behave naturally thereby taking away all the fun from living reducing us to mere robots.

 I commute to office regularly by bus. So many times as I waited for my bus to come, I have sat on the high pavement with my feet on the road and an interesting book in my hands. Once it so happened that I was spotted by my neighbour oblivious to me. He called on me late in the evening and bombarded me with questions – why were you sitting on the pavement? Could you not take an auto instead? What must people think? How many others must have seen you sitting there? – which made me wonder why he was feeling so embarrassed.

So often, it seems as though we are all hypocrites, saying something and doing something else. On one hand, we admire outgoing and bold people, but on the other, we hesitate to send our children to co-ed educational institutions or on outings involving students of both sexes. A neighbour of mine refused to send her children to learn swimming because she personally felt shy to wear the swimming costume. Caution and care are good and even necessary but undue concern can handicap.

Perhaps in a few situations and to some extent, shyness would be accepted and even expected. For instance, a conservative family seeing the prospective bride for the first time would want the girl to behave in a demure way. But if the girl insists on being excessively shy, it would put off a sensible guy.

These days when sex education is included in the academia to familiarize children with the subject of sex, we should think it is an accepted thing. But we are wrong. The inhibitions related to sex linger however faint they may seem to be. For, even now, the pharmacist covers the pack/s of sanitary napkins in black polythene or a newspaper for obvious reasons. And their usage is demonstrated in the media using blue ink. So much for our developed society.

To cut a long story short, restraint and self-control make a well-mannered human being and a dignified society but unreasonable shyness steals joy and enthusiasm out of life leaving a gaping hole in place.

He who tries to please all pleases none, goes a popular saying. Life is best lived, when we keep God in the centre and do what our heart tells us to, taking care we don’t harm anyone in the process.

I will not stop jumping into and playing with waves in the beaches, or climbing trees if I feel like it, or even squatting on the footpath to caress an abandoned pup or help on her feet a feeble old beggar woman if it means some solace to either, just because ‘someone may say something’ or ‘someone may laugh at me’.

 Life is a series of touching moments and it is for us to make the moments in our life touching. What better way to do so than to live as per our heart’s bidding?

(Published in Daijiworld online in July 2009, under title 'Shyness and its many facets')

A Testing Time

It is that time of the year when both students and parents are likely to experience high levels of stress at the thought of the impending exams. It is a testing time – literally.

Students are not considered normal if they are relaxed, having fun, or even studying at home. On the contrary, the more number of tuition classes they attend – never mind how tired they may be both physically and mentally at the end of the whole rigmarole – the more studious they are supposed to be. As for the parents, it is a three-pronged ordeal – trying to understand and motivate their wards, convincing the teachers that their child is doing the best, and flowing with a demanding society.

Yet, parents being the closest to their children, must stand by them in this critical situation. Especially because they know their children better than anyone else. Understanding is the key word here. Let me elaborate.

Through the growing-up years, parents very well get an idea of the strengths and weaknesses of their children. A one-to-one talk in a relaxed and non-judgemental atmosphere, gives an opportunity for the child also to come up with what he likes and what he does not. Trained career counselors can help both the parents and the child in this matter. The idea is to help them discover their competencies and develop them rather than focus on what is absent.

The story of the animal school is very relevant here. The bird, squirrel, fish, rabbit and the dog were all in the school and were required to take all subjects. The bird was excellent in flying but bad at burrowing; the squirrel was great at tree climbing but was failing in swimming. The fish was great at swimming but could not get out of water to do anything else while the rabbit got excellent grades in burrowing but tree climbing was a problem for him. Soon the bird was too weak to fly, the squirrel slowed down in tree climbing and the rabbit could no longer burrow properly. The dog quit school as everybody despised his barking. The moral of the story is that undue concentration on what is absent will affect the existing strengths to the extent that none will be left very soon and the very joy of living is stolen away.

Given the rise of suicides before, during and after exams and results, amongst youngsters who give in to needless fear, anxiety and pressure, the parents would do very well to adopt a healthy attitude towards performance in studies, and discuss this with the school and together make life easier for the children.

All marks and no play make a dull child. Why not a few sparks of love, understanding and encouragement from parents and teachers to make a happier child?

(Published in MidDay in Mar 2009 under title 'Do you make the grade?')

Time for action

Published in Mid-Day in Jan 2009

Driving through life

Published in both DH and Mid-Day in July 2008

Give well

(Published in MidDay on 30th May 2008)

Striking exceptions

I have often wondered how easily and thoughtlessly we generalize various events and behaviours to an entire species, organization, profession or even sex for that matter. No sooner somebody talks of some particular school exploiting parents by taking money in the guise of funds than everyone jumps to narrate their experiences of being fleeced of precious hard-earned money stressing “all schools do that”. We conveniently seem to forget several schools which rely totally on grants from philanthropists, and follow their mission to educate special children or children with special needs, without expecting any contribution from the parents.

There are several striking exceptions which have taught me not to generalize everything or everyone.

Most have had unpleasant experiences with rude conductors in BMTC buses. That is commonplace. Lately, in a heavily crowded bus, I witnessed the conductor standing firmly on the last step holding onto his bag and tickets with one hand and the handle across with the other hand, as if to block anyone from falling out. He was visibly exhausted with the day’s work and sweating, but concerned for the passengers’ safety. Even in his tiredness, he was smiling and cutting jokes to amuse all those around him. The smiling, helpful conductor still stands out in my memory as a wonderful exception in an otherwise unkind world.

Being a woman, I had always debated that women are very honest, less corrupt and are considerate to other women, and that men are corrupt and exploit the fair sex. There are exceptions here too. I recently watched as a woman conductor in a bus demanded the ticket she had issued to an old woman when the latter alighted and duly issued the same ticket to another person in full view of other passengers, pocketing the money without any hesitation. When I took an auto to reach the Kantheerava stadium for the September marathon, I was unable to pay the driver his exact due for want of small change. Still, the auto driver not only excused us in good spirits and took less than the meter reading but wished us success for the marathon. I no more believe that “all women are honest and all men are bad”.

Where there are superiors that harass their juniors, there are gentlemen (and ladies too) who mentor their subordinates like true well-meaning leaders. If there are corrupt politicians, there are a few very prominent, very capable statesmen whose achievements speak for them. May such exceptions increase.

Camp-complaining is but human and comes easily. But in place of generalizing, if we seek to acknowledge openly those who refuse to go with the flow and who stand apart by virtue of their benevolent deeds and character, we will soon have plenty of exceptions around us.

Published in Deccan Herald in Dec 2006 

The beauty of blessings

Published in Deccan Herald - 27th June 2006  

Identity crises

Published in Deccan Herald on 6th April 2006 

Let's Connect

What's life alone? I forgot most of what I studied in school, but one line 'Man is a social animal' lingers in my memory. It will always. Simply because it is true.

Life is all about connections, isn't it? Remember the first time we emerged out of our mother's womb, we were connected to her by the umbilical cord? Once it was severed, we used various sounds and gestures to connect with her and with the outside world.

I connect with others around me through my words and wonderful creations. I have always loved writing  and being a sensitive person that I am, I focus on the nuances of human behaviour around me. Anything that catches my attention will find a place in an article or woven into a poem. When I am not writing, I am creating something - something of value. A gift I have got from God, the ultimate Creator and from my mother.

This blog is all about my writings and my creations and I humbly invite you to visit, savour my offerings and leave behind comments, if you will.

Cheers, Deepa

Here's Light - Let's communicate

Communication as a subject has always intrigued me – how it happens, how much it impacts those involved, its relevance now as always and so on.

 

Communication is unavoidable. In other words, ' no communication' is not possible, for even silence conveys several things – different things to different people. I believe, communication most often results in connection.

We can communicate in various ways, not necessarily through language. A mild pat on the dog’s head conveys love or appreciation while a firmer pat a reprimand to the same dog. A comforting touch on the wrist means ‘I am with you’ to a hapless person or ‘You can do it’ to a child on the dentist’s chair.

 

Here's Light is my attempt at bringing to light or sharing aspects of my life - my thoughts, 
my creations, my observations and experiences. In reciprocation, I urge everyone who visits this blog to share with me their feelings, thoughts and ideas – whatever they wish to - in whatever form or manner.

Let's feel free and share. Here's light  ................

Cheers, Deepa