Why Shy?

A group of friends, we often go for a small walk post lunch, upto the office nursery or the main gate, during which we exchange news, recipes, household tips, all of which provides a pleasant  break from work. On a hot summer afternoon, as we walked, we saw the garden hose drawn across the driveway from one part of the garden to another. While the others continued walking, I noticed a small spring or jet of water from a miniscule hole in the hose. The weather being hot, I immediately placed my face on the jet and started enjoying the water on my face.

When my friends looked back, they were amused at my behaviour. One commented I was acting childish, another a little senior admonished that I behave my age. A couple of them just looked on longingly at the water, very conscious of the surroundings though. We then spoke of how we played in water when we were younger, got drenched in rains even as our parents called us in fearing we would catch a cold or fever. One thing was very obvious – all of them still liked to play in water but were terribly shy. The foremost thought was – what would the colleagues say? What would the Security staff think? Playing with water, but isn’t that childishness and are we not adults?

We often speak of how excessive fear keeps a person from doing even normal things. Like my mother who read about an accident in a hotel escalator a few months back and now just refuses to step onto one any more. An accident with her moped affected my colleague so much that a lot of counseling was necessary to make her even step onto the road. Seems akin to someone not breathing anymore for fear of inhaling polluted air.

Yet, I believe, undue shyness is as harmful as excessive fear, because it does not let us behave naturally thereby taking away all the fun from living reducing us to mere robots.

 I commute to office regularly by bus. So many times as I waited for my bus to come, I have sat on the high pavement with my feet on the road and an interesting book in my hands. Once it so happened that I was spotted by my neighbour oblivious to me. He called on me late in the evening and bombarded me with questions – why were you sitting on the pavement? Could you not take an auto instead? What must people think? How many others must have seen you sitting there? – which made me wonder why he was feeling so embarrassed.

So often, it seems as though we are all hypocrites, saying something and doing something else. On one hand, we admire outgoing and bold people, but on the other, we hesitate to send our children to co-ed educational institutions or on outings involving students of both sexes. A neighbour of mine refused to send her children to learn swimming because she personally felt shy to wear the swimming costume. Caution and care are good and even necessary but undue concern can handicap.

Perhaps in a few situations and to some extent, shyness would be accepted and even expected. For instance, a conservative family seeing the prospective bride for the first time would want the girl to behave in a demure way. But if the girl insists on being excessively shy, it would put off a sensible guy.

These days when sex education is included in the academia to familiarize children with the subject of sex, we should think it is an accepted thing. But we are wrong. The inhibitions related to sex linger however faint they may seem to be. For, even now, the pharmacist covers the pack/s of sanitary napkins in black polythene or a newspaper for obvious reasons. And their usage is demonstrated in the media using blue ink. So much for our developed society.

To cut a long story short, restraint and self-control make a well-mannered human being and a dignified society but unreasonable shyness steals joy and enthusiasm out of life leaving a gaping hole in place.

He who tries to please all pleases none, goes a popular saying. Life is best lived, when we keep God in the centre and do what our heart tells us to, taking care we don’t harm anyone in the process.

I will not stop jumping into and playing with waves in the beaches, or climbing trees if I feel like it, or even squatting on the footpath to caress an abandoned pup or help on her feet a feeble old beggar woman if it means some solace to either, just because ‘someone may say something’ or ‘someone may laugh at me’.

 Life is a series of touching moments and it is for us to make the moments in our life touching. What better way to do so than to live as per our heart’s bidding?

(Published in Daijiworld online in July 2009, under title 'Shyness and its many facets')